I was meeting my dear friend recently and, as soon as she came to my house, I saw something was wrong. She looked like something terrible has happened. The moment we sat down, she told me: I feel so useless and alone! And then, she started crying. Like this is the first time she said it out loud.
Knowing her situation – she’s an ambitious stay-at-home mom of 3, has a successful husband, her kids are very well behaved and, with no doubt, I consider her the CEO of their home and family – I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised by her words.
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She then continued: You know, this is deep, I REALLY feel useless and alone. And it feels like it will never change. Nothing makes sense and I feel helpless. I even hate going to sleep because it makes it all worse and my thoughts just go in the wrong direction.
She really did look helpless. Actually, she looked devastated.
We talked for more than 3 hours about her feelings – we laughed, cried and, at one point, she was even mad at me because of some tough love words I told her, which she misunderstood for lack of sympathy.
Our conversation ended with a huge hug and a true smile on her face. She even said she was feeling a bit silly for letting it develop that much.
In this article, I’m going to share with you exactly what I told my friend and what you need to do right now to stop feeling useless and alone.
I’m also going to tell you why you’re lucky to feel that way (you’ll be surprised how changing your point of view can convert a problem into an opportunity).
And lastly, at the end of this post, you’ll see 2 videos that are not just going to help you feel better and useful but will motivate you to really move on and on and on.
So, let’s do this together. Let’s make your priority right now to change how you feel. To transition from feeling useless to feel useful.
I really, truly want you to feel motivated and inspired after reading this post. I want you to change the way you see certain things in life so you never feel this level of self-doubt again.
Feeling useless and alone can develop into a big problem if you allow it to happen. On the other hand, the feeling can go away right after you finish reading this article if you’re ready to make that change (and since you’re here, I know you are?).
Sure, it may be easier said than done, but it really doesn’t matter. If you want to transition from a victim position to owning your life, you simply need to do it.
Related: How To End Negative Self-Talk
The first step to make any change in life is to make a decision. That means that whenever that bad voice that’s in your head tells you: it’s hard, you can’t do this, you’re useless…your job is to make it go away. Just tell him to back off!!?
As in everything in life, you now have a choice to make: to grow that negative feeling, think about it all the time and look for proofs you’re right or to make an effort to not feel that way – ever again.
Meanwhile, have you asked yourself two main questions – What CAN I do to change how I feel? and What am I already doing to change how I feel?
Why do you feel useless and alone?
To be able to solve a problem, we need to know what caused it in the first place.
There are 2 main reasons why you would feel useless. You either think you’re not meeting expectations of the people around you or your own.
If it’s the latter, it means you’re lucky enough to have such a loud inner voice that tells you that you’re born to do something more, that you deep down know the solution to your „problems“. Oh my God, listen to it! (I don’t know if you hear it too, but there’s a loud „huge discovery moment“ music behind that last sentence ??).
I’ve found this great exercise that will help you learn how to listen to your inner voice and then take action. You can read about it here.
On the other hand, if you think you’re not fulfilling other people’s expectations, prepare yourself for some tough love truth bombs.:-)
Sure, I could have written this article to be full of sympathy and comprehension but, as I told my friend, I want to give you something even better – I want to help you solve this problem and make it go away forever.
The misinterpretation of expectations
I read an article the other day and there was a sentence that caught my eye: Stop measuring your value on someone else’s inability (or willingness) to see it.
It sounded so negative to me, almost like you have to fight with people all your life. On the other hand, it absolutely makes sense – that is if everyone around you is mean and selfish. But that is not always the case.
The main difference between mean people who make you feel useless and good people who make you feel useless and alone is in their intention.
The first group of people is doing that on purpose and their intention is to undermine you and make you feel useless because that is the only way they feel good about themselves. (Oh my God, imagine having that problem!) And you definitely shouldn’t measure your value based on their willingness to see it or say it.
The latter is not even aware that they are making you feel this way and their intention is not bad, they just don’t know how to show you that in the form you want them to.
For example, you have your way of showing people you care, how you appreciate and value them. Let’s say you smile to them, you tell them how great you think they are, you encourage them, you say how you believe in them and so on.
Based on that, you expect the signs of appreciation, respect and the words of comfort to be shown to you in the same shape and form. And when it’s not like that, you don’t recognize it.
When you look at it from this point of view, you could even ask yourself: Who is not meeting whose expectations now?
The point is: you shouldn’t wait for others to make you feel useful and you most certainly shouldn’t allow others to make you feel useless.
I know you might think: But I knew all of this, it’s just easier said than done. I completely understand and agree with you. What you should do is bookmark this article and read it every morning for a week. That way you’ll have this `recovery` mindset throughout the day that will help you focus on changing how you feel.
You are so strong that you don’t even know it. Life gives you only what you can handle. If it’s on your road, it means you can do it. Just ask yourself: What am I suppose to learn from this?
If you want the exact action steps or methods to stop feeling useless and alone, keep reading.
What To Do When You Feel Useless And Alone
Here are 4 proven ways to transition from feeling useless to feel useful.
1. Change your point of view
Sometimes we get stuck with our thoughts, good or bad, that we don’t see a bigger picture. It doesn’t even cross our minds to look at it from a different point of view.
But let me ask you this: if your child, your friend, or even a person you don’t know, like a woman in a waiting room at the doctor’s office, comes to you with the same problem – she feels useless, alone, like she’s not needed – what would you say to her? How would you help her?
I’m 100% sure that you would find at least 5 reasons she shouldn’t feel like that. I actually challenge you to imagine that situation and come up with 5 encouraging things you’d say.
And if you align those 5 things with your life, it suddenly becomes more clear. While it might not be a solution to your problem, it’s a great starting point.
2. Don’t be a ghost
One of the reasons you feel useless and alone might be because you feel like no one asks for your opinion or advice.
But why would they if you are always the one that’s quiet and no one really knows your opinion on anything. I’m not saying you should be the leader of all discussions, but simply stating your thoughts on a certain subject is a good thing.
In addition to that, don’t hold back from giving a compliment to someone who will appreciate it. You will make them feel good and you’ll see how your words matter to people – which will make you feel useful.
3. Set a goal
Just like all of us do, I’m sure you have certain things you want to accomplish or change. Set one goal and work on it.
For example, if you want to learn another language so you can work from home as a freelancer through Fiverr, there are many apps that can help you achieve that goal. Also, you can take a language course, which might be even better, because you’ll be around people with the same goal and you won’t feel alone.
The most important thing here is to set a goal based on what would make you feel happy and confident and not on what would make other people think of you when you achieve that goal.
For instance, don’t make your goal to lose weight because you think that people will look at you in a different way and think that you look great. If you’ll take that road, you’ll putt your happiness and confidence into other people’s hands and you really shouldn’t rely on others to make you happy.
4. Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude
The essential part of a happy life is gratitude.
Read that again…and again…and again…and do it every day until it becomes a part of who you are.
Without a doubt, there is no truly happy and satisfied person in the whole world that is not grateful.
I want you to take a notebook and write down 5 things you’re grateful for in life, or just that day.
Here’s what I’m grateful for:
- I’m grateful that I’m healthy enough to be independent
- I’m grateful that my family is healthy
- I’m grateful that I make my own living
- I’m grateful that I have a home (did you know that an estimated 100 million people in the world are homeless?!)
- I’m grateful that I can make my own choices
Or we can narrow it down to just today:
- I woke up at 5.30 AM and it was already a beautiful day
- My cousin came and we laughed for 2 hours
- I’m grateful that I can write this article and share my thoughts with you
- I’m grateful that my garden is full of fresh vegetables
- I’m grateful that my kids slept longer in the morning so I was able to do some house chores much faster
As I promised at the beginning of this post, here are two truly inspirational talks that will motivate you to make a change you need, help you see that you’re not alone and overcome feeling useless once and for all.
Words like useless, helpless, worthless are big words. You should be careful when using them. Before you say them out loud, do everything you can to reject them (not ignore!) and make them go away (of course, sometimes the best solution is to share your feelings with someone who is close to you and you’re sure that they want only the best for you). Because when you say them out loud, you start believing in them and, when you believe in something you always look for the signs to prove you’re right.
Bookmark this article and, whenever you start feeling useless and alone (or whenever you start feeling bad for any reason), follow the mindset or the methods written in this article and make it go away at the very beginning.